Last Things

Ryland is our last baby.  The final addition to our family.

While he brings us so much joy and happiness and there is excitement about moving on to the next phase of our lives, there is also a lot of sadness.  So much so that my heart often aches these days.  We are doing our very best to savor this sweet babe, but he just keeps growing.  And growing.  And growing.  And as much as I want to slow it down, it just doesn't stop.  I frequently find myself in tears as I look down at him.  My favorite part of the day (and most emotional) is the last half hour before he goes to sleep at night, when I am alone with him in his room, feeding him, cuddling with him, and talking to him.  I rarely leave his room with dry eyes.  We are currently experiencing so many "last things" with this one and my heart hurts. 

During the first days after Ryland was born, David surprised me by expressing his sadness that this baby was our last one.  One night when David brought Ryland to me for a feeding (he is a great helper with our newborns), he was just staring at him and reluctant to hand him over.  I finally came out of my tired fog and looked up at him and saw how tenderly he was looking at our little one.  He then said, "Oh, I am going to miss this."  Made me tear up at the time.  Still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.  He continues to expresses his sadness right along with me and I am glad I am not in this alone.

 

Here is a list of some of these "last things" that I am going to miss.
(It is not inclusive and may be added to later :))

 

First time holding each of my babies.

Taking them home from the hospital.

Cuddling with my newborns.

Cuddling with my infants.

Watching my babies sleep in my arms.

Watching my babies sleep in their beds.

Watching my babies fall asleep while eating.

Newborn diapers.
Tiny fingers wrapped around my finger.
Sleepy smiles.

First real smile.
Tiny newborn bodies.

First good laugh.

Rocking in the rocking chair.

First bath.

Bathtime in general.
Newborn hands and feet.
Watching my babies as they discover their hands and feet.

Cooing.
Babbling.
Finding the thumb.
That yummy baby smell.
Baby blessings.

Chubby thighs.
Kicking legs.
Bubble blowing.
Grabby hands.
First tooth.
Baby in my arms.
Baby on my lap.

Baby on my hip.
Stroller walks.
Watching little baby faces light up.

Rolling over.
First solid food eating session.

Sitting up.
First time sleeping through the night.
Pulling to a stand.
The smell of Johnson and Johnson's Baby Shampoo.

Cruising.
Bald baby heads.

First steps.
Little fingers tangling my hair.

Walking.

First word.

Kissable cheeks.

The list could really be endless.

Another thing I will miss is that every home we have lived in (excluding our first apartment) is filled with memories of having and raising babies.  I look back on each place and they are filled with happiness.  It is sad to think that our next home will not experience the arrival of a new baby.

We have graduated.

On the fringes, I can just see the excitement that comes with the ending of this phase.  Eventually, that excitement will come into full view.  I know it will.  I look forward to it and will embrace it when it does.  But for now, I am going to let myself be sad and mourn the end of this part of my life.

And tomorrow morning when I go to pick up our little Ryland from his crib, I will be happy.

After all, he is still a baby.  Oh, how we love him!

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Baby pictures...past and present.

Luke - 2 Days

 

Luke - 4.5 Months

Luke - 7 Months

Luke - 8 Months

 

Luke - 11 Months

 

Caden - 4 days

Caden - 2 Months




Caden - 7 Months



Caden - 10 Months

Caden - 11 Months

 

Porter - 1 Week

 

Porter - 4.5 Months

 

Porter - 6.5 Months

 

Porter - 10 Months

 

Porter - 11.5 Months

Ryland - 1 Day

 

Ryland - 3 Weeks

 



Ryland - 5 Weeks

Ryland - 2 Months



Ryland - 3.5 Months